Communication experts are warning that modern conversations, particularly in virtual settings, are losing one of their most basic human elements: visible signs of listening. According to behavioural researcher Vanessa Van Edwards, most people believe they are good listeners until their own video recordings reveal otherwise.
Van Edwards, founder of Science of People and author of Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication, says that in workshops she often asks participants whether they consider themselves attentive listeners. Nearly all say yes. Yet when shown footage of their meetings, she frequently observes expressionless faces and minimal physical response. “We’ve started to mute our own cues, and it’s gotten worse over the last few years,” she said, noting that this creates uncertainty for speakers who cannot tell if they are being understood.
She describes the solution as “listening loudly”, a practice that involves using facial expressions and body language to signal attention and engagement. Small gestures such as raised eyebrows, subtle nods, or leaning forward can reassure speakers that their message is landing. Van Edwards stresses that authenticity matters more than volume of expression. “I never want anyone to do a listening cue that feels fake or inauthentic,” she said.
Experts say one major barrier to effective listening is assumption. Julian Treasure, a communication specialist and author of How to Be Heard, says people often stop listening when they believe they already know what will be said. He encourages a mindset of “listening as if for the first time”, even in long-term relationships, arguing that every conversation contains new information if attention is maintained.
Facial expression plays a central role in how messages are received. Amy Arias, a communication lecturer at the University of Nevada, Reno, explains that identical words can carry completely different meanings depending on expression. A compliment, she notes, can feel sincere or sarcastic based entirely on tone and facial cues. Matching another person’s emotional state helps build connection and understanding.
Nonverbal signals such as eyebrow raises are also highlighted as universal indicators of curiosity. Van Edwards describes them as instinctive reactions that show interest, while cautioning against overuse. Similarly, nodding can signal agreement or encouragement when used intentionally, but may appear dismissive if repeated excessively.
Other cues include head tilting, which suggests attentiveness, and leaning forward, a posture linked to engagement and curiosity. These gestures, experts say, are effective both in person and online, where visual feedback is often limited.
Communication researchers argue that restoring these subtle behaviours could improve clarity, reduce misunderstandings and rebuild a sense of connection in increasingly digital interactions.
