While the arrival of a new baby is often met with cheerful congratulations and well-worn advice, mental health experts are cautioning that some common phrases shared with new mothers can do more harm than good.
One of the most frequently repeated lines — “Enjoy every moment! It goes by so fast!” — may seem like a harmless pleasantry. But according to Brianna Paruolo, a licensed therapist in New York City who works with new parents, these words can unintentionally create harmful pressure during an already challenging time.
“It creates impossible expectations during what is often a physically and emotionally overwhelming period,” Paruolo said. “When a mother isn’t enjoying the sleep deprivation or recovering from childbirth, being told to savor it all can make her feel inadequate.”
Rather than helping, such well-meaning comments can intensify stress and loneliness, especially when new moms are already struggling with the demands of postpartum recovery, feeding schedules, and round-the-clock infant care.
Paruolo also urges people to avoid making comments about a mother’s appearance or future plans. Telling a woman she’ll “bounce back” soon can feel like a critique of her current body, and questions about when she’ll have another child can be both intrusive and insensitive.
“New parents are still catching their breath, and then suddenly they’re asked when they’ll do it all over again,” she said.
Another problematic area? Asking if a mom had a “natural” birth — a term often used to describe unmedicated or vaginal deliveries. “All births are natural,” Paruolo emphasized. “Framing certain birth experiences as more valid than others is not only inaccurate but hurtful.”
Instead of offering platitudes or probing questions, Paruolo recommends a more open and supportive approach. Asking, “How has it been so far?” or “What has surprised you most?” gives parents room to express the full range of their experiences — good and bad.
If a new mom receives an unhelpful or upsetting comment, Paruolo suggests imagining the remark as a piece of paper: crumple it up and toss it out. “You don’t need to give every comment your energy,” she said. But if a response feels warranted, she encourages women to speak honestly about the pressures they’re facing or, simply, to steer the conversation elsewhere.
“You’re living and breathing baby 24/7,” she said. “Sometimes, the best thing is just talking about anything else.”
