In a world where online trolling, rushed interactions, and ghosting are common, experts say the meaning of being “nice” may feel unclear. While etiquette lessons for children often focus on saying “please” and “thank you” or taking turns, adulthood introduces far more complex social challenges. Psychologists and social scientists are now emphasizing practical, research-backed ways to cultivate kindness in everyday life.
Emiliana Simon-Thomas, science director at the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, defines being nice as assuming others have good intentions and a desire for fulfillment, and taking opportunities to uplift them. “There’s always a chance to do or say something that is positive, either as a role model or as an invitation,” she says. Research shows that prosocial behavior triggers pleasure pathways in the brain and strengthens social bonds, creating a sense of belonging.
Experts highlight several strategies to strengthen kindness. One approach is identifying commonalities with others. Simon-Thomas suggests noticing shared traits or behaviors, whether in appearance, gestures, or interests. Recognizing similarities fosters empathy and encourages people to assume good intentions.
Giving back is another effective strategy. Lara Aknin, a social psychology professor at Simon Fraser University, says acts such as donating time, cooking for others, giving advice, or even donating blood provide meaningful ways to help. “All of those are frequent, consequential ways that we improve someone else’s well-being,” she says.
Active listening also promotes kindness. Amanda Cooper, an assistant professor at the University of Connecticut, stresses giving people your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and avoiding distractions like phones. Asking open questions and following up encourages connection and signals that the other person’s words matter. Using someone’s name during conversation can further strengthen bonds, showing recognition and respect.
Small gestures can also make a difference. Smiling genuinely at strangers can foster trust and social contentment, while introducing lightheartedness in frustrating situations—such as a slow checkout line—can defuse tension and create shared enjoyment.
Finally, experts encourage engaging with people who hold different views. Simon-Thomas calls this “the most advanced level of strengthening your niceness muscle.” She advises focusing on shared interests or humor as a starting point, allowing room for disagreement without hostility. “You can honor your beliefs and still show grace and openheartedness toward others,” she says.
Experts say cultivating niceness is not just about etiquette, but about building social connections and promoting well-being. By recognizing common humanity, listening actively, giving back, and embracing diversity in perspectives, individuals can strengthen their relationships and contribute to a more considerate society.